I'm Tired of Sleep Deprivation (get it?)

If you are going to operate a vehicle, you must first meet the following criteria:



1. You must have a valid driver's license as issued by your state of residence.


2. You must not be under the influence of any hallucinogenic narcotic.


3. You must not be emotionally unstable*


4. You must not be deprived of sleep.



I'm not sure if those driving prerequisites are on any sort of legal documentation, but they definitely should be. While the first three are remarkably self-explanatory, the fourth needs a bit of informational development.

Sleep deprivation is a dreary topic for most people, but those who are morally awake never tire of pursuing safety. You may think that you can pull an all-nighter and drive to work the next morning with blinking being the only time your eyes have shut in the last 24 hours, but you can't. But wait...I'll bet you will tell me you have a fool-proof tactic for staying awake; but let me inform you it's all been done before. Here are some of the most original that I have heard:
Taping your eyelids open
Turning on some music
Turning off the music
Rolling down the windows
Slapping yourself
Screaming
Shooting yourself in the foot with a BB Gun whenever you hit the rumble strips

I will testify that the last one does actually work, but I doubt any of you are that committed to life. I have attempted all this and more in an attempt to stay awake, I even tried all of them simultaneously, which must have been a comical scene for fellow motorists**

Take my advice; don't drive when sleep deprived. In fact, if you are the kind of person to read a blog like this, don't drive at all. You obviously aren't intelligent enough to operate a vehicle.



*Please note my discretion in not making #3, "You must not be female." I believe women--under controlled circumstances--can in fact operate a vehicle almost as well as some men (e.g. Clinton, the host of 'What not to Wear')
**Just imagine driving by a car with music blasting the shutters off nearby houses, windows rolling up and down, the driver screaming and slapping himself all while waving a BB Gun in the air...

If my Life were a Movie...

Ok, I know you wouldn't watch it anyway; but if my life were a movie, I would categorize it as an action adventure-romantic comedy-horror-drama. It would also not have an ending, just like

I suggest Amendments to certain Traditions

There are traditions in this country that are--to put it bluntly--outdated. Things like women presidents, cranberries, and traffic laws.
Since I have the least to say about women presidents, I put it at the first of my list. Suffice it to say that we have never had a woman for a president, but even the idea of an estrogen-filled emotional woman being in control of this country sends a chill down my spine (Al Gore has been the closest we have come so far).
More importantly, cranberries are outdated and deserve to be "squeezed"* out of any and every tradition. They are exponentially less-valuable than their tasty cousin, the strawberry, and also are in too many juices (youtube Brian Regan if you want to die laughing).
Last but not least--unless your goal was to get valuable information from this blog--traffic customs are "driving" me crazy** It seems that there is a small percentage of the population who would object to me driving sideways down a main city street in my camaro. This small percentage might also suggest that I am only allowed to drive in one lane, which conflicts with my desire to become a stunt driver in Die Hard 13 ("Die Harder than the Last Time with a Vengeance for Death")

*That pun hurt me more than it hurt you; stop complaining
**Ok, you can complain now

Another Great Blog

I am fully in support of the following blog:

http://brickabrac.blogspot.com

I peed my pants laughing. He's a great writer.

And also http://dustymeadows.blogspot.com

My bladder was empty from the first one, so I didn't pee my pants, but I laughed alot.

Friends

Do you have many friends? If you need help discerning how many constitutes "many," I would suggest 4-5 very close friends and 15-20 acquaintances (people whose names you don't forget on a regular basis) would be "many" friends. There are good things about having many friends, things like counsel, advice, correction, rebuke, criticism, challenges, critical encouragements, correctional rebukes, good times, etc. Today, however, I want to give a shout out to the person without "many" friends.

You have it better than you think.

Your life, albeit boring, is also peaceful. You feel sorry for yourself because you have no one to hang out with, but think about it--you don't have to hang out with anyone. You feel lost and without direction, but think about it--you don't have to be guided and directed. The direction you are going is all your own. Yeah, yeah friends are great if you are trying to do life correctly, but if you are some free loading HALO 3 worshipper who spends 2o hours a day in your room* then I submit no criticism for you; mostly because I'm not your friend.


*The other four hours are reserved for HALO parties
which your mom will drive you to.

On School

Life is funny thing. You think you know somebody, then they do something completely out of their ordinary. You think you know yourself, and the same thing happens. I thought I knew myself going into this semester, and was very confident in my ability to pass all of my classes. I am Ray, I graduated high school with a 3.7 GPA, got a 1300 on my SAT and a 29 on my ACT. No junior college (with junior expectations) is going to have any chance against me. Well, college was easy; so easy it was hard.
I forgot about Apathy
Apathy is the inconspicuous monster that keeps the open wound of school from healing into educational epidermis and instead produces an ugly scar of stupidity. Apathetic people are only fighting themselves. So yes, I beat the college, but I lost to myself. You skip one class only to discover that, unlike high school, professors in college don't care if you come or not. They are there to fulfill vocational obligations--to "profess"--not babysit lazy college students. After that you are cooked, the ratio of classes attended to classes skipped continues to switch places until you get a final grade that doesn't make the cut. You have wasted your time, and now get to do this or that class again. Failing academically has never been a reality in my life, and I don't recommend it; it tears you up from the inside out.