The Adventures of Ollie and Ray

Ollie and Ray grew up in the same small town. They knew each other from birth, but then again everybody in that town knew each other--since it was so small. No, they knew each other better than they knew anybody else in town; they were best friends. Their families were close long before either one was born, even though Ray was born a couple years before Ollie. Although they were friends before high school, I will not be writing about those years, as their best adventures were had both during and after high school.

One stands out in my mind particularly (It stands that they both had slightly different opinions of the facts of the story, but the ones I heard I will tell you now are from Ray)It began on a cold day, but you probably guessed that because in stories like this, it always does...

Ray was a strapping, adventurous boy. He thrived out in the open air, spending most of his time running, climbing, and exercising in the midst of nature. Conversely, Ollie was always plagued by health conditions, which resulted mostly in physical and mental weakness. It was unfortunate for Ollie that God chose Ray to be his best friend, for he was always a little behind at most games they played together.
It fell that one day Ray heard a rumor of a cave near where he and Ollie lived. The rumor was that in a field just outside of town, underneath a dilapidated windmill, there was a shaft going down fifty feet into the earth. No one knew what was at the bottom of it, but Ollie and Ray decided that it was probably a treasure trove of Dr. Pepper 24-packs. After much complaining by Ollie (who thought the adventure seemed a little, "scary"), they decided to investigate.

As I said earlier, the day was cold. So cold, no one could communicate because their words were freezing and falling to the ground before they reached the people they were talking to. The trip down into the cave was uneventful enough. There was a pole about two inches in diameter that ran all the way down the shaft, and they found it fairly easy to get down to the bottom. You would be shocked to know what they found there...


nothing


Yes, the cave beneath the windmill only contained water and mud. No Dr. Pepper troves (btw, where did the word 'trove' come from?). Disappointed, they began to climb back to the surface.

Since, as you have heard, Ray was so athletic, he scaled the 50 foot shaft in about three seconds (and he didn't even use the pole). Ollie, however, was a different story. His weakness made it very difficult to climb. It might seem strange, but in the midst of his weakness, he was for some reason arrogant about his "abilities." What that means is that as he struggled to haul his body (which was overweight) up the shaft, he was bragging about what an amazing climber he was. Ray discerned this to be a problem and slid back down the pole to Ollie, who was now about thirty feet up. Ray hung on to the pole with his ankles, let go with his hands, and flipped his body upside-down so he could offer his hands to Ollie for assistance. This kind and athletic offer, unfortunately, was given this reply,
"You? Help me? Unbelievable."
Ray persisted, seeing that his friend was in danger, "Ollie, let me help. I don't want to lose you."
But again, Ray's help was shunned: "I'm shunning your help," Ollie said, "In fact, let me show YOU how to climb."
Ollie then made his third mistake of the day* He attempted to show Ray that he could hold on with only one hand while simultaneously putting his feet over his head. He had barely unflexed his pinky before he fell, crashing down from thirty feet onto the rocky floor of the cave. "NNOOOOOOOOOOO!, cried Ray."


Ray did a triple backflip with a half gainer twist off the pole and landed gracefully beside his fallen companion. "Ollie, are you alright?"

no response

The safest thing to do would be to wait for help; but Ray knew that Ollie, whose ankles were covered in blood, would need medical attention soon. Fashioning a crude harness out of tadpole skins, Ray strapped Ollie's limp, large body to his own. Luckily for them both, and at the risk of being redundant, Ray was an amazing athlete. So even though it took two days (actually the climb only took half an hour, the rest of the time was spent catching and skinning the tadpoles), and even though he broke both of his own legs in the climb, Ray got them to the top.
The real bummer was that when they got back to their truck, they discovered the heater wasn't working. That should put how cold it was in perspective for you.

Ray vowed never to tell anyone the story, because he knew that Ollie would be scorned for the weakness he displayed in the cave. To this day, I'm not sure if Ollie has ever said anything...

*the first was being fat
the second was trying to climb something